Lost on the IF Highway

Homicidal, infertile, and sick of the “experts” April 18, 2011

Filed under: Infertility — Lost on the IF Highway @ 1:45 PM

I’m so sick of everyone around me pretending like they know exactly what I’m going through and exactly what I need to do to get pregnant!  Since when are they experts?

My best friend has FOUR children. Two of them are twins. What the heck does she know about infertility?  My husband’s aunt, she did have to get pregnant in vitro, but only because she was having other health issues that caused her to be unable to get pregnant naturally on her own.  For one, she was so fat that the doctors made her lose 30 pounds before they would even LET her undergo in vitro treatments.  As far as my doctor can tell, I’m completely healthy.  There is no obvious reason that I am not getting pregnant, without going through the testing and all the expensive procedures.  And yet, his aunt feels it necessary to tell me that I’m not elevating my rear end enough during intercourse, my husband needs to stop taking baths, I should go on a diet, and if I really wanted a baby I would get a better job to help pay for medical costs.  This, from a woman who has never had a job a single day in her life!

What REALLY gets to me is when people say hurtful things for apparently no reason at all.  For instance, my sister-in-law (SIL), who is five years younger than me, just had a baby a few weeks ago. Her mother-in-law has done everything she can to alienate my SIL from my husband’s entire family since the day her son married her!  She makes it a point to rub it in my mother-in-law’s face that she is already retired and has TONS of time to spend with the baby and my SIL & BIL.  She is a domestic goddess and has no qualms about telling everyone how perfect she is.  She makes professional cakes, is a photographer, sews, crochets, knits, milks her own cows, grows her own vegetables.. You get the point…

When my SIL went in to have the baby, this woman wedged herself between my MIL and the hospital bed so that she could hold her hand through contractions. My MIL was very left out during labor.  Then, after labor, my SIL was asking me (because I’ve been a birthing coach three times) some questions about post-natal care for herself and I was explaining what my friends and family have experienced.  Her mother-in-law piped up and said, “Well, you don’t really know until you’ve actually had a baby.”  I wanted to KILL her!

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4 Responses to “Homicidal, infertile, and sick of the “experts””

  1. Tracy Says:

    Hi there. Found your blog through the LFCA. Just wanted to say hi and let you know that you’re not alone in the world of infertility. I’m a RPL girl (different category) but still without a baby. I was just reading your entries thinking “this girl needs to get her hubbies boys tested pronto”. I know that you’re doing your best, but it’s such a quick and easy way to eliminate months of ttc without results 😦

    Should you ever need a dictionary list of tests that you want your doctor to run, I’d be happy to give you my list! Not even kidding – I’ve had it all done. I’m fortunate to be in Canada and get it all done for free, so I just can’t imagine the stress you must feel not being able to get tested. Once you rule out the hubby’s sperm, after this many years of ttc on your own I would hope your doctor would run a complete blood scan on you. Wishing you the very best and I hope you can get some answers soon.

    • ccg13 Says:


      I would love to see your list. The only “list” I’ve been able to find is through LFCA and WebMD. Not that they aren’t helpful, but I really would feel better getting information from a person that I can connect to, as opposed to some website. Ya know?

  2. Kristen Says:

    I’m sorry you have to listen to everyone’s advice! I don’t know why everyone thinks they have the answers. I had to laugh at the advice to get a better job to help pay for medical costs. My mother in law and brother in law have both been telling me I need to QUIT working if I’m serious about having a baby. But my husband’s in school and I just don’t see how that’s possible. Ugh.
    Anyway, hang in there and try to tune everyone out.
    Welcome to blogging. 🙂

  3. Sorry for the late reply, Kristen. I read it a month ago and meant to reply and then just forgot. My husband’s family comes from NOTHING, but only because they chose to be poor. They think that you should have everything you want, even if it means sacrificing your education, your job, your kids’ education, etc. They spend their money on making themselves happy “right now” so that they can turn around and be miserable tomorrow because they can’t pay their medical bills. I refuse to live that way. My husband and I try to be very good with our money. I am in school full time until September and we have savings, so it’s okay that I’m not working right now (quit a few weeks ago), but we definitely can’t live like this forever. However, working 40 hours a week won’t make it better either. We definitely have more time for sex w/me not working! LOL. =)

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