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Lost on the IF Highway

It’s Just Money, right? May 11, 2011

Filed under: Infertility,Money — Lost on the IF Highway @ 12:34 PM

Sigh… I’m getting so sick of talking about money with my husband (M). They say that is the number one thing that couples fight about, but before we started struggling with infertility, we very rarely ever fought about money.  Now, it’s a constant argument!

I’ve been reading other IF blogs and have come to understand the harsh reality of how much IF treatments can cost.  I started reading one lady’s blog, which started back in 2008. I’ve read her entire blog up to the point where she gave birth in 2010.  At that point, I couldn’t read anymore. It’s so hard for me to see/hear about other couples who have successful pregnancies. I’m happy for them, but at the same time I’m sad for M and me.  I’m sure I’ll be able to finish reading her blog once I get a little further along in this journey…

Anyway, she said she spent her entire LIFETIME insurance maximum of $20k in about one year.  That’s REALLY SCARY to someone without insurance.  She was my age when she started treatments too, which just scares the hell out of me.  My mother-in-law has been harping on me for SIX YEARS that if I didn’t get pregnant soon I would miss out on the chance.  My sister-in-law just had a baby in March.  She’s 25.  I thought my MIL would back off now that she finally got a grandbaby, but she’s already started up again and E is not even two months old yet!

My argument is that it shouldn’t matter how much it costs.  If we really want a baby, we should be willing to spend the money.  M’s argument is that we just don’t have the money, and we don’t want to go into debt at the very beginning. I tell him I have my savings to get us started, but then he reminds me that I’m not working and haven’t found a job yet so we can’t afford to spend it.

Aren’t there ANY options for couples like us, financially speaking?  How much SHOULD it cost to have a baby?

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2 Responses to “It’s Just Money, right?”

  1. Rain Says:

    Money is tricky when it comes to IF/IVF. You should be able to go to the websites of local clinics and get a general idea of what one or several IVF cycles would cost you. Around my neck of the woods, one IVF cycle (no insurance for anything) would cost about 18-25K..depending on medications and the clinic. Often times clinics have “discount” programs for more than one cycle. You may also qualify for IVF scholarships (search INCIID on google). Talk to your local clinics to see if there are any medical trials that you (or your husband) would qualify for…often medical trials are free or very cheap.

    As for the adoption thing, I am not sure what you mean by “psychologically evaluated”. However, if you have a letter from your psychologist stating that your mental state is “normal”, it shouldn’t be a problem. You may want to talk to a local adoption agency to get their take. I have been in counseling for the last 2 years on and off, and no one has batted an eye (although I do have to have a letter from my therapist). If you e-mail me, I can give you some more specifics.

    I know it’s hard, but you are making it through. You will be stronger at the other end because of it.

    • Rain – Thank you very much for your input. Your advice and the information you have provided is very encouraging!

      I was “evaluated” because my boss ordered it after my husband and I got into a fight over the phone while I was at work and I had to leave work due to emotional distress. She wouldn’t let me leave on my own and made someone from work drive me to the hospital to be “checked out by a doctor”. The ER doctor said that he recommends 23-hour observation for anyone that is “sent” to the ER for “emotional or psychological issues”. After the 23-hour observation, the psychiatrist asked me, “Why are you here again?”. He recommended couples counseling and sent me home. They told me when I was first put under observation that I would likely lose my right to operate a firearm in the state of Illinois, but I never received any paperwork stating such from the state and the doctor didn’t mention anything about it to me or in my paperwork. Apparently, I wasn’t as psychotic as my ignorant boss thought I was. =) However, a friend of mine who just adopted told me that she was told up front that if she was in treatment or had been psychologically treated that she should just save her money. That makes me very nervous because I have a feeling adoption is in our future.

      In five years I will be receiving the remainder of an insurance settlement. The amount will be about $19,000. In the meantime, I really can’t afford IVF. I’m not working right now. My husband’s insurance won’t even cover me for less than $1k/month, and I can’t afford private insurance ($800/month w/maternity). What are we supposed to do?


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