Lost on the IF Highway

Disrespect or just a dry patch? July 12, 2011

Filed under: Just Life,Marriage — Lost on the IF Highway @ 1:20 PM

I feel like M has lost all respect for me as his wife.  I’m hoping it’s just a phase, but I really don’t know.  Since I “quit” my job in April, he has gradually started doing things that, to me, seem disrespectful.  My sister, S, and her son, G, live with us. Until I quit working, she didn’t have a job.  To “earn her keep” she was basically in charge of  the general upkeep of the house. Around the same time I quit working she got a job and she hasn’t done much around the house ever since, even though she only works part-time.  She does dishes or takes the trash out maybe once every other week. I’m pretty much solely responsible for the upkeep of the house because she won’t help, and M acts like it’s my responsibility since I’m not working. I can kind of understand that, but I was still doing some chores even when I was working two jobs and going to school full-time, even when S was supposed to be doing it.  Now that the tables are turned, not only am I responsible for the entire house and the kids, but M acts like I should have to clean up after everyone too, especially him.  I can see cleaning up after G. He’s only three years old, but I shouldn’t have to clean up after M, S, and SJ.  They’re all old enough to clean up after themselves.  M leaves trash lying around. He’ll even lay it on the counter next to the trash closet, as if he’s incapable of opening the door to the closet and tossing it in the trash.  He’ll leave his dirty plate with food still on it sitting next to the sink!  He just started doing all of this out of nowhere in the last several weeks and I don’t know how to react. When I tell him he’s being disrespectful, he acts like he has no idea what I’m talking about.

The other thing that I’ve noticed is that he’s been leaving a lot of the spending to me.  I have no income. I only have the savings.  I just don’t know what to do.


2 Responses to “Disrespect or just a dry patch?”

  1. Jackie Says:

    Ouch. Yeah that seems unfair that he expects you to do everything without even having discussed it with you first. Sounds like a long talk is in order…
    You two have been together a while, and if this is the first time he’s doing this, chances are he really is just clueless that he’s being disrespectful. But this can become a habit if it continues (trust me, I know…) so the sooner you talk to him about it, the better.
    Sorry that he’s being like this. Hopefully he will go back to his old self before long. Good luck!

    • Jackie,

      Thanks!!! Things have gotten much better. I tried to mention little things to him exactly when they happened so that he couldn’t deny he was the one doing it. At first, I would notice things later on and mention them to him that night or something. He would always try to blame G or play it off in a joke, but it always made me so mad! I just started catching him doing things and saying something to him immediately. Now, he’s not only back to himself again, but he’s actually BETTER than the old M. He’s sweet, supportive, understanding. Now, if I could only get his mother’s grip off him. She has guilted him into adopting her English Bulldog. I HATE the dog, she’s too hyper, and she jumps on G. He’s terrified of her! She’s a HEAVY dog, slobbers everywhere, and always has some kind of skin infection. Our dog likes to play with her but won’t want her living here, and one of our cats HATES HATES HATES her. I’m thinking of telling him if he wants her he has to build a doghouse for her. He’ll NEVER do it, and then we won’t be able to keep her. That’s kind of my way of saying we can’t have her without directly saying “no”. This way, HE is the one saying no, because he’ll be the one who refuses to build the doghouse. She’s been staying outside the last few months anyway so there’s no reason she can’t be an outside dog. It’s just that we live in a 3-bedroom house with four ppl and 3 pets already. Another dog will make me feel claustrophobic!

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